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Donna Gets it Right ----

5 - 24 - 05

Attack of the 15-pound Burger

I’ll start this out by saying Thank You to Dan for making me consider a little more carefully my health and the health of my family. It’s never too late to do something about your health, whether it’s in your choices or a simple visit to the doctor.

And I’m so glad you’re OK now Dan.

Anyway, back now to my rant. And yes, this can officially be called a rant.

America is the fattest nation on Earth. Now, I’m not looking to lay blame on any one thing. There is plenty to go around; genetics, choice, environment, and the thing I’m going after in this column, advertising.

America seems to have a lot of enemies, al-Qai'da, North Korea, Canada. OK, not Canada maybe, but there are plenty of people who have it in for us.

Two other notorious outfits are right here in our own country. They are Hardees and their royal sidekick, Burger King. I have discovered that their inside code names are Profit and Heart Disease. These code names were chosen as an industry joke because one is extremely important and the other isn’t. I think you can guess which is which.

With the low-carb/low-fat craze trying to sweep the fattest nation on earth, Hardees and Burger King have decided they don’t want to have any part of it. They are going a different way. Yeah, sure, they both have healthier choices on their menus, little salads with low fat dressing or some sort of grilled chicken-type substance with low fat mayo on it. If you truly think that either of these places is looking out for your health, you are fooling yourself.

What is really interesting these days is the type of advertising they are doing. Sex has been the “Come on and try our product” way of doing things for years. Wasn’t it Hardees that had the blond on the mechanical bull eating the $6 burger? Yeah, like she really eats those. I would love to see the outtakes from that commercial. Every time the director yelled cut, she was probably ralphing into a bucket.

No, this advertising seems to be directed towards young men, maybe even as a challenge. Both Hardees and BK are playing the bully on the beach, while the men who don’t partake of their artery-clogging products are the skinny guys getting sand kicked in their faces. BK puts it this way: if you can’t handle the Enormous Omelet Sandwich, with it’s 760 calories and 50 fat grams, you are a wimpy little wussie. Hardees says basically the same: “There’s a reason we don’t give toys with our food”. The next thing you know a gigantic 2/3 lb. Monster Thickburger, with its whopping 1,417 calories and mind-boggling 107 fat grams, comes crashing down on a little helpless plastic toy. Oh the humanity.

Even Ma and Pa burger joints are getting in on the action. A place in New Jersey has a 12 ½ pounder named Zeus. And a place in Pennsylvania has a 15 pound mammoth they lovingly call the Beer Barrel Belly Buster. Yeah, because after you eat it, if you’re still alive, you look like a beer barrel. I think both of these places offer you something completely stupid if you eat the whole thing. Like a coupon for a free burger as soon as you get out of the hospital.

CNN reports on suicide bombers, starving in Darfur, and then we see some college yahoo woofing down a burger the size of his car. Do you detect a disconnect here? It’s no wonder some countries hate us.

If you haven’t seen the movie “Super Size Me”, I highly recommend it. It will open your eyes wider than you’d like. McDonald’s has since stopped super sizing their value meals, which is a small but good step in the right direction.

So men, don’t fall for this blatant attack on your manhood. Eat healthier - I’m not saying head for the tofu bar, but just keep in mind what you put in your mouth. Think of the statistic that men die before women. We need you around, your kids need you around, the lawnmower needs you around.

Until Next time......



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