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Editorials ----


What time is Oprah on?-

I'VE BEEN READING more and more in the news lately about the concerns for hormone replacement therapy i.e. HRT. This got me to contemplating the whole issue about the need for hormone replacement.

What I figured out is this: The reason women need the replacement in the first place is that they are no longer producing the necessary hormones that in essence, make them act like a woman. I know, some of you at this moment are thinking…Duh! Well, these are not things that the ordinary guy work-a-day guy thinks about. Which brings me to my point. The loss of the hormones can only mean one thing. You are slowly beginning to turn into a MAN!

I know this is shocking news, but let's look at the symptoms that they are saying the average candidate for HRT is experiencing:

  1. Hot flashes (my whole life is one big hot flash).
  2. You have a hard time remembering things, especially small details (This has been the biggest complaint about me from every woman I have ever known!).
  3. You have excess body hair growth and hair loss on your head (I'm not going there.).

Women, are you starting to get the picture? This is the first stage of changing into a man.

I have compiled a Top Ten List of of the advanced warning signs:

  1. Putting off housecleaning until the next day (which seldom comes until the day before guests arrive.)
  2. Sudden interest in doing things outside the house to get away from the noise inside.
  3. Finding yourself more interested in watching sports on TV.
  4. You start to think that the chin whiskers aren't so bad after all and may be just the new look you've been seeking.
  5. It's easier to cut your hair short than fixing it every day.
  6. Your idea of clothes to wear out of the house consists of sweat pants.
  7. Your concept of a perfect retirement changes from a flowery cottage near your grandkids to a cabin on a lake and a fishing boat far away.
  8. People ask for your autograph because they mistake you for John Madden.
  9. An ideal vacation sounds more like going on an elk hunt rather than visiting museums and flower shows.
  10. You start to get the urge to pee whenever you get near a tree.

The ironic thing here is the other side of the coin. Men start to lose their testosterone and begin to whine about missing Martha Stewart programs and become weepy during Oprah episodes.

Until next time, I'm outta here. Oprah is about to come on.


( OF COURSE, no one should expect this column to go unchallenged (or unpunished). Check out Your Two Cents as the Readers Sound Off! >>>>) - Admin


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Previous Rants

Anybody who wants to Know Jack Better can check out his earlier rants here:

Lighting up is getting harder in South Florida >>

Living with Yankee neighbors>>

The Bug Got Me and Other Stuff >>

Lauderdale, Attack Show Dogs and Beanie Baby Millionaires >>

Driver Insanity, Cabinets and Typhoid Mary >>

Clean Pot Holders and Shiny Tools >>

Pink Flamingoes are keeping me Awake >>

Don't Fish in Lightning Storms>>

I'm So Excited >>

Conspiracy Theory >>

Crying Towel >>

In With the New(year) >>

Blaming the Holidays >>