 Editorial
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10-10-03
The RVs Return to Capistano
IT'S OCTOBER and Fall is in the air here in Florida.
One of the ways you can tell is that Northerners start
arriving in their campers and RVs, the same as Swallows
returning to Capistano. They come ready to dispense
advice on everything under the sun and go around “high-fiving”
their yankee buddies that stay here year-round. I guess
it is a good thing though -- at least they have each
found someone willing to listen to them.
This is also the time of year the new fall television
shows start to appear on TV, for what THAT is worth.
I’ve looked at a few of them, but it seems the
only shows that interest me these days are the same
ones I watched last year. I guess that after 49 years
of watching TV, I have finally had enough of it. I watch
the news to find out what is going on, but still I can’t
be comfortable trusting the news to be accurate.
I went to the doctor a few weeks back and had a check-up.
They say that men should get one every year after they
reach age 40. So I did. They did the blood work and
told me that I was a heart attack waiting to happen.
Hmmm, that doesn’t sound to me like very good
news.
They do the thing where they tell you your triglycerides,
and how they are supposed to be no more than 150 at
the most. Well, it turns out mine were 1,970. This kinda
concerned the doc, and I must say it has me a little
concerned too. So now they got me eating rabbit food
and vegetarian this and that.
They also have me walking. I am walking everyday for
at least and hour at a brisk pace, cranking up the heat
discomfort factor. Here in good old’ Florida,
you can work up a sweat just standing still.
I found out that the vegetarian meat substitute offerings
are much better than they were a few years back. Those
soy burgers almost taste like a real burger. On the
bright side, one of my favorite foods, sushi, is actually
good for me. I get to eat all the sushi I want as long
as I leave the soy sauce alone. It is almost total sodium,
which is a no-no for me. This really makes shopping
in a grocery store an adventure.
Old Roy’s tiger munched on him in Las Vegas this
week. I have been around big cats and they are scary
creatures. They can mess you up bad just playing rough
with you. I had a friend who was bitten by a cheetah
when we all worked at Lion Country Safari. Come to think
of it, he was an effeminate kind of fellow, much like
old Roy. I wonder if cats just like to bite effeminate
guys? Strange coincidence, huh? An elephant slapped
me once while my friend Bonnie and I were feeding it
peanuts. It was my fault. I walked up to the elephant
in her blind spot and startled her. Not a good idea.
I landed against a wall 10 feet away and about 10 feet
off of the ground. I stopped feeding the elephant after
that. Most of these animals were considered like pets.
Big pets, too big for me.
Speaking of pets, my Dalmatian has stinking dog breath,
so this evening I got one of those Listerine breath
strips that come in those little dispensers. You know,
the ones that are pocket sized with these little sheets
of breath freshener that dissolves on your tongue. Well,
I put it on his tongue and he went nuts! He was shaking
his head and making a really serious YUCK face. He went
around shaking his head for about five minutes. But
his breath smelled better.
Well, anyway, stop by my house for Trick or Treat this
year. I will be the guy giving out tofu and breath strips
to kids.
Jack
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